i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
