if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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