guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
