R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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