Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
