thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
