does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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