yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You need Xanax blowdarts
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
