Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
