Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
