I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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