Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
