My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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