if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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