is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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