I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude i'm inner monologue high
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
