ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All the doctor said was why
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
