i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
True strength comes from lack of pants
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
