...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
