dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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