My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
