i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
