Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
