90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Randomize
