id be glad to
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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