Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
