I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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