I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
