dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
