Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
