i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
