also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
