GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
