My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
