what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
