i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
