Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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