I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
