i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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