why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
