great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
