Where did you get a picture of my penis
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
