Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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