I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
