I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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