He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
