Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
