just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
