What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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