who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
