Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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