Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
