Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
